You can do things to support your male child in being a man and allow him to look for his idols and role models. Your son can develop into an emotionally sound man regardless of whether you have a man nearby to mentor him. Many boys of single moms have already succeeded in this. Did you know that Les Brown, Dr. Benjamin Carson, Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, Ed Bradley, Alexander Haig, Bill Clinton, Alan Greenspan, and Tom Cruise were all raised by single mothers?
The advice that follows was created using my knowledge, the knowledge of “present or retired” single mothers, and the advice of single parent counselors.
Recognize and Accept Your Son’s Differences
Differences can cause difficulty in close relationships but can also be a source of blessing.
Accepting your son does not automatically imply that you approve of him, give up your rights, or minimize his influence on you. You can still take the necessary steps to assist or defend yourself.
Or you could leave him alone. You acknowledge your son’s reality in either case. Even though you might not like it, prefer it, or feel sad or upset about it, deep down, you are at peace with it. Even just that is a blessing. And on occasion, your decision to accept that it can make things better.
How?
This exercise can be done by saying phrases like these to yourself in your head, out loud, or in writing and observing how you feel: “I accept you.” You think, speak, and behave as you do for various reasons, both big and minor. You are what you are, and you are a fact, and I accept the realities of my life as they are. You and I are a part of a bigger whole, and I also accept that.
If you’d like, be more explicit by mentioning specific characteristics of this individual that annoy you, such as: “I accept that you snore, leave your clothing on the floor, are still upset with me, etc.
Never Assign Him the Household’s Guy
You indeed want to help him develop into a man, but there is a difference between acting like the “little man” and taking on adult responsibilities. Your child is not your ally, protector, or knight in shining armor. It’s crucial to correct people if they say that your kid “is the man around the house” or that he should “take care of Mommy,” especially if you have recently been widowed or divorced.
It’s normal to be a little moved by your child’s father’s face when you look at him. After all, you look at it as if your ex gave you anything of value. Don’t let your ex’s actions and inactions cloud your sense of reasoning. Tell your son how much you value him.
Teach Him Good Morals
Even the bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Teach him good morals, but allow him to express them his way. Because he is a man, he will probably react to emotional circumstances differently than you would. Teach him to love unconditionally, to emphasize and have sympathy for others.
Even those you encounter daily should be praised for their positive traits.
This means that even if the salesperson is particularly attentive or friendly while you are buying baseball shoes for your son, you should still call attention to this quality by saying something like, “Isn’t this man nice?” or “Isn’t this man helpful?” There will be role models for your youngster in every sphere of his life. Although not necessarily fathers, boys need males, and a boy is not being “fathered” just because a father lives at home.
Use a Little Imagination When Teaching Your Kid Boy Stuff
For instance, many single mothers worry when their son plays with their makeup or uses the potty while seated. Your youngster probably won’t spend the rest of his life peeing while wearing mascara and sitting down. You didn’t watch the morning makeup sessions, so there is no such thing as homosexuality!
However, if you’re looking to define the distinctions between secondary sex traits in males and females, try this: Leave a small basket for him. Put inside his toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, gentle shaving cream, watered-down cologne, and an imitation razor. Tell him that most males rub their faces like this in the morning.
Make Him Join Clubs and Groups
As your child ages, consider joining any boys’ organizations or clubs in the area. Don’t let sponsored activities like picnics or boat races between fathers and sons intimidate you.
Inform the troop leader that you would feel comfortable if the den acknowledged parent-child events, given the number of single-parent families. But the initiation ceremony that welcomes boys into the pack is the main advantage of scouting that every youngster should take part in.
You might be reminded of an episode of The Honeymooners where Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton exhibited their Racoon Lodge handshake by special handshakes. But the sense of belonging to a group they can easily identify what is crucial for boosting young males’ self-confidence.
If your son is active, consider getting him a chinking bar for rainy days in his room. Although exercise is important for all kids, boys who find it difficult to focus and girls may require alternative methods of letting off steam. For an extensible closet bar with suction cups on the ends, check out your neighborhood Target.
Install in his room between the door jambs, and instruct him to “do 10” whenever he becomes boisterous. Ensure the bar is securely fastened to the entryway, and demonstrate the proper grasp to your kid to prevent him from removing it. As your son gets older, raise the bar.
Don’t Fret
Don’t worry about what your infant or toddler misses out on since “dad” isn’t around; just enjoy your time with them. Try not to completely ignore “daddy stuff” at the same time. It’s acceptable to read your child stories about all types of families, even though many children’s books portray animal families raised solely by their mothers. Give your youngster a realistic view by emphasizing male and female relationships.
And remember, even if you become a single mother because of the most terrible circumstances, try not to have negative thoughts toward males.
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